Chewing Slower Doesn't Make it Any Quiter

In a movie theater/auditorium/opera house:

*crinkle, crinkle*

*crinkle*


For God's sake, just open the damn hard candy! Unwrap it already, rip of the wrapper like a bandaid.

What so many people don't understand is the physics of sound. Actually, I don't either. I'm completely makeing that up. But really, think about it. Those other concert-goers aren't really doing the rest of us a favor by trying to mask the sound of thier lozenge wrappers. It is completely noticeable and obnoxious to hear the drawn-out labors of one who is trying so very hard to seem non-chalant about thier inability to just wait, goddamit, until the intermission to indulge their sweet-tooth. Please, do us a favor. When the time comes that you absolutely need to have a hard candy, do it quick. Rip off that wrapping quickly for the sake of our ears. When I go to see Dvorak's "New World Symphony," I don't want to hear cellophane too.